holding on and letting go

i don’t have any appetite and i haven’t slept for nights but how can i when i have no more strength to fight? its hard to think of you but its even harder not to i have so many things to say to you but i don’t want to come off as rude and how could you leave me without a word don’t you find it absurd, we were fine at first but our arguments got worse (pause to breathe in) then bam you left, leaving me quite depressed i gave you all i had but you left me feeling sad; its a common misconception and i really need to learn my lesson but why do i keep coming back for more when you’ve already closed the door, why can’t we compromise and why do i keep believing in your lies? i didn’t need a paragraph on why you left, maybe it would’ve hurt less if you summed it up into one sentence, maybe i would’ve traded sadness for acceptance (another pause) it hurts to hold on and it hurts to let go, why can’t i be numb from head to toe? recently i’ve checked my horoscope and they said that my life is like a kaleidoscope and it says aquarius: beware of boys and promises made at 3am in the morning and i should have heeded that warning but no, no, no i just went ahead i was so naive, who would’ve known that you’d leave?! i’ve definitely learnt it the hard way and my mind is in complete disarray but i will let you go eventually (one day) and maybe then i will find serenity.


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