sometimes i wonder if you sit surrounded by suffocating silence as you look to your left at the passenger seat and do you miss me; do you miss the feeling of our hands clasped so tightly together, we almost forgot that the road wasn’t ours and there were other cars around us, yet we didn’t care who was looking, every time we kissed i felt like flying, and do you miss telling me the tiniest happenings of your every day; and you said that you make mistakes and are not flawless, yet you knew that my arms were your solace, and do you miss us talking about the most random things, do you miss fooling around and kissing and do you miss the taste of my lips on your mouth, do you miss the impromptu outings and arbitrary decisions we made, especially after an entire day of lazing around in your bed and when the songs that i recommended you come on shuffle, do you feel choked up inside, like there are pebbles stuck in your throat that no matter how much you swallow, they don’t disappear, do people that look like me make you do a double take, do thoughts of me keep you awake, and do you miss laughing about silly things with me and all the inside jokes we shared, do you miss all the good times we had?
because i do. fuck. i miss you.
we are too alike and they say that you have to be opposites in order to attract but somehow we always connect and i wonder how long are we going to last are you going to end up like one of the men from my past i hope not i hope you’re different i hope my love for you will be sufficient and despite the fact that i constantly feel like i’m not good enough but with you i can get through the times that are rough; this courage that i finally mustered, didn’t want to wear my heart on my sleeve that’s why i’m so reserved; though you are the storm and i am the calm, it feels like you know me like the back of my palm, and people say that hurricanes only create destruction and i think it would be unbearable if one day you looked at me with repulsion; i always tell you to live in the present not the past, i guess i am taking my own advice at last and i know i am not the easiest to please, but right now your eyes seem so hard to resist and i just don’t want our efforts to turn to dust, therefore in you i place my trust so i’m just going to take a leap of faith, that you will hold me even on my lowest days.
i don’t have any appetite and i haven’t slept for nights but how can i when i have no more strength to fight? its hard to think of you but its even harder not to i have so many things to say to you but i don’t want to come off as rude and how could you leave me without a word don’t you find it absurd, we were fine at first but our arguments got worse (pause to breathe in) then bam you left, leaving me quite depressed i gave you all i had but you left me feeling sad; its a common misconception and i really need to learn my lesson but why do i keep coming back for more when you’ve already closed the door, why can’t we compromise and why do i keep believing in your lies? i didn’t need a paragraph on why you left, maybe it would’ve hurt less if you summed it up into one sentence, maybe i would’ve traded sadness for acceptance (another pause) it hurts to hold on and it hurts to let go, why can’t i be numb from head to toe? recently i’ve checked my horoscope and they said that my life is like a kaleidoscope and it says aquarius: beware of boys and promises made at 3am in the morning and i should have heeded that warning but no, no, no i just went ahead i was so naive, who would’ve known that you’d leave?! i’ve definitely learnt it the hard way and my mind is in complete disarray but i will let you go eventually (one day) and maybe then i will find serenity.