ethereal epiphany

tinted windows with warm light seeping through the jagged cracks below each window pane. soft evening glow is reflected by the hues of the setting sun. the flash goes off, capturing the simplicity of the moment. you are typing furiously away at your laptop. pausing for a bit, you glance up and we lock eyes. smiling warmly, with your eyes getting all crescent shaped and crinkly, you questioned me,
“did you just snap a photo of me?”
“am i not allowed to?”
you grin, flashing the briefest of teeth. you stand up and stride towards me, crossing the room in three steps. i am immediately enveloped in a warm hug. chuckling, my voice is muffled by your chest as i asked,
“don’t you have work to complete?”
“yeah, but i miss you”
that was the moment i knew.
that you could become homesick for a person too.

if a home is where people belong, then right in your arms is where i am home.

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missing you is my forte

it was only one month ago
that we were on our tippy toes
comfortable silence and careless kisses
thinking of you during this rainy weather
missing the warmth from your arms
snaked around my waist
we’ve got no time to waste
as every second with you is precious
when did i get so used to this consistency
i’ve never experienced so much emotional stability
as the rain is pouring down
i feel like i am drifting off to sleep
wishing you were here with me
but for now, i’ll miss you until the next time we meet

petrichor

intro:
people hate rain because all they think about is the destruction it brings, the activities it prevents, the fun it obstructs. but they often forget that water is essential for a plant to grow. when droplets fall from the sky, people look up and ask “why?”. if only we took that time to reach our hands out to appreciate the rain in our everyday life; and this is why i reach my hand out to take yours, because you are like rain to me. i can’t help but experience a strange calmness when i’m with you and i don’t know why you are always so misunderstood, i wish the world knew, what exactly i see in you.

interlude:
telltale signs of rain; the toads have started croaking, the laundry is being brought in, the earthy smell of soil and wet grass, (just like rain, i am falling fast)
starting out as a light drizzle, we intertwined our bodies together, as the rain slowly fell, against the window we heard pitter patter, the rhythms of our hearts joined as one, the slow rise and fall of your chest as i watched you sleep, the rain grew to a downpour, i brushed your hair from your eyes and let out a little sigh, how did i get so lucky?

outro:
they say that life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain. i hope you’re not a storm cloud passing through. i would give up all of my sunny days to be with you. (forever)

loving in convoluted ways

we are too alike and they say that you have to be opposites in order to attract but somehow we always connect and i wonder how long are we going to last are you going to end up like one of the men from my past i hope not i hope you’re different i hope my love for you will be sufficient and despite the fact that i constantly feel like i’m not good enough but with you i can get through the times that are rough; this courage that i finally mustered, didn’t want to wear my heart on my sleeve that’s why i’m so reserved; though you are the storm and i am the calm, it feels like you know me like the back of my palm, and people say that hurricanes only create destruction and i think it would be unbearable if one day you looked at me with repulsion; i always tell you to live in the present not the past, i guess i am taking my own advice at last and i know i am not the easiest to please, but right now your eyes seem so hard to resist and i just don’t want our efforts to turn to dust, therefore in you i place my trust so i’m just going to take a leap of faith, that you will hold me even on my lowest days.

loss lingers longer than love lasts

grasping on to something
how do i let go
if loving more is the remedy
then i would tell you that i love you so

hurt one too many times
so many people that i avoid
if only time could rewind
my feelings might not have been toyed

been weighing my heart down
and feeling bittersweet
since you haven’t been around
i have been feeling tired and beat

tired of always losing things
maybe one day i’ll lose myself too
warning bells will ring
but unfortunately i am a fool for you

week/weak

Monday. the sky is overcast and as i looked up, i remember how you always forget to bring an umbrella out. i still think about you when it rains.

Tuesday. as my bus drove past the places we visited, i took a trip down memory lane. oh we were so happy, i hope you still are.

Wednesday. i have almost forgotten how your voice sounds like.

Thursday. they say that people always learn from their mistakes, but i learnt nothing from you.

Friday. i used to buy an extra portion of everything whenever i went to the supermarket. now my purchases are no longer in pairs.

Saturday. there are so many people around me. but none of them is you.

Sunday. lately i’ve been feeling so weak, so set me free.

the things you should tell them

tell them about the time you stood at the bus stop reminiscing about all the times you walked him home until that day he boarded the bus and never came back

tell them about the black coat hanging behind your door and every night when you close it you think it is his silhouette

tell them about how the stars in the night sky remind you of how his eyes shone when he was with you but now they shine for another girl

tell them why every time someone mentions the word “promise”, you are unable to breathe for a full five seconds

tell them why you don’t bother closing the windows when it rains because every day feels like a downpour anyway

tell them about the last time you said “i miss you”, how it sounded more like a plea for him to stay

tell them you already knew from the moment he told you he was too busy and all the other excuses he gave

tell them why your garden only has weeds and no flowers, since they all withered after he left and you didn’t have strength to pull out the unwanted growth

tell them the reason why your parents never approved of him, they obviously knew the conclusion of the story before it first started

tell them what hurts most, is it the lingering feeling of his lips on your skin?
or the burning of your throat every time you spit out his name like venom?

tell them the reason why you pretended you lost his sweater is because you just wanted something to remember him by

tell them how the two of you were very much in love, and how you didn’t want it all to end, but it still did

for E;

some men who enter your life would want to hold you

like they’ve never held anyone before

but think it through

you know your worth is far more

do not spend time wondering

if this is enough; if that is enough

don’t worry

you are enough

the battlescars on your wrists

i am so glad you are still fighting

please, don’t ever leave

i need you more than you think

you don’t understand true beauty

look into the mirror and maybe you’ll see

what the definition is

and how your light shines brightest from within

forgive yourself for the decisions you once made

for it is okay to make mistakes

just remember that i’m always here to pick you up

and it’s you i can’t live without

————————————-

happy birthday emilyn

love always, ys